Throwaway Daughter Character Dairy
October 24, 2013
Dear Dairy,
Sometimes I don't feel like belonging to my family. Especially when I look at the family photos, I don't fit in the four of us. Dad has red hair, and freckles on his face and arms. Mom is faired haired and plump. Megan is in between, and she is very beautiful. Me? A yellow face in a white family, my hair, skin and eyes are totally different with them, that most people would say I am a "persons of color". And I hated how some people label me as "Chinese-Canadian".
In school, people stared at me, and gossiping behind me. Sometimes I heard people calling me "Chink" behind my back, and there is an eight grade guy who called me "Rice-head". I couldn't do my project because I don't even know the answers. The answers such as the date of my birth, and the city of my birth, which I know nothing about it. In biology class, we learned about genes today. According to the teacher, we get the genes from our parents. But I don't even know who are my real parents, I got my genes from two people I've never met, and I bet they will never ever want to see me.
I was unwanted by them. Even though I have got parents and a sister now, I always knew I was adopted. My new family loves me and I know I am a Parker yet I still feel like some pieces missing in my life. I wonder would I still have this feeling of not belonging if I wasn't an Asian? If I have never been told that name "Chun-Mei" in my life? I hope everything was easier.
At night, we went to a Mexican restaurant where I saw the family gathering around me included at least three generations, babies, teenagers, parents, and grandparents. I suddenly realized I have a bunch of relatives in China, but do they know about me? What is China like? Where is Chun-Mei?
On the television news, I saw the "Beijing Massacre" happened in Beijing, China. The merciless government killed innocent people. I can hear people screaming, see them running, and immersing in blood. At one point, I started to worry about Chun-mei. Is Yangzhou close to Beijing? Is she going to get killed like the people on television as well?
I don't know when I began to image going to China. I always wanted to know the answer why would Chen-Mei abandon me? Does she has difficulties or troubles raising me? Or she just simple hated me? If she wanted to get rid of me, why did she leave a note which her name was written on it?
Mom has always been trying to keep me in touch with my Chinese roots, I guess now its the time to find out the answer by myself. I decided to go to the "Huang-pu Summer Institute" during summer vacation in China to search for Chen-Mei and find out the answers. I will tell my decision about going to China to my parents tomorrow. I hope they will be happy about it. Its been a tiring day. Good night.
Love,
Natasha
October 24, 2013
Dear Dairy,
Sometimes I don't feel like belonging to my family. Especially when I look at the family photos, I don't fit in the four of us. Dad has red hair, and freckles on his face and arms. Mom is faired haired and plump. Megan is in between, and she is very beautiful. Me? A yellow face in a white family, my hair, skin and eyes are totally different with them, that most people would say I am a "persons of color". And I hated how some people label me as "Chinese-Canadian".
In school, people stared at me, and gossiping behind me. Sometimes I heard people calling me "Chink" behind my back, and there is an eight grade guy who called me "Rice-head". I couldn't do my project because I don't even know the answers. The answers such as the date of my birth, and the city of my birth, which I know nothing about it. In biology class, we learned about genes today. According to the teacher, we get the genes from our parents. But I don't even know who are my real parents, I got my genes from two people I've never met, and I bet they will never ever want to see me.
I was unwanted by them. Even though I have got parents and a sister now, I always knew I was adopted. My new family loves me and I know I am a Parker yet I still feel like some pieces missing in my life. I wonder would I still have this feeling of not belonging if I wasn't an Asian? If I have never been told that name "Chun-Mei" in my life? I hope everything was easier.
At night, we went to a Mexican restaurant where I saw the family gathering around me included at least three generations, babies, teenagers, parents, and grandparents. I suddenly realized I have a bunch of relatives in China, but do they know about me? What is China like? Where is Chun-Mei?
On the television news, I saw the "Beijing Massacre" happened in Beijing, China. The merciless government killed innocent people. I can hear people screaming, see them running, and immersing in blood. At one point, I started to worry about Chun-mei. Is Yangzhou close to Beijing? Is she going to get killed like the people on television as well?
I don't know when I began to image going to China. I always wanted to know the answer why would Chen-Mei abandon me? Does she has difficulties or troubles raising me? Or she just simple hated me? If she wanted to get rid of me, why did she leave a note which her name was written on it?
Mom has always been trying to keep me in touch with my Chinese roots, I guess now its the time to find out the answer by myself. I decided to go to the "Huang-pu Summer Institute" during summer vacation in China to search for Chen-Mei and find out the answers. I will tell my decision about going to China to my parents tomorrow. I hope they will be happy about it. Its been a tiring day. Good night.
Love,
Natasha